50 and Sick of Needing to Fix Things!

Let’s just say that today I’m feeling, well, just a little bit ballistic (that’s putting it lightly).

After several weeks now of preparing the launch for a new free teleseminar: 50, Joyful and Free, why is it that I found myself this morning picking up the skype phone to speak to the web designer to make sure that he understands what to do to fix the problems on the site, which still after many weeks had not yet been fixed. Secretly, I felt so sick that at 50+ years old (on Friday, I’ll turn 55 :-)… I’m feeling that I need to fix things. I work with an smart, talented, responsible and amazingly dedicated marketing director, who is more than able to do the work.

Launching this 50 Joyful and Free project, I am joyfully stepping up and stepping out into my true power. While exciting, it’s also terrifying. Sworn into the Super Womens’ club by virtue of my natural baby boomer status, I find my perfectionist tendencies are really acting up, and acting out… in the name of “being responsible, following through”…

Maybe it’s just raging hormones causing me menopausal madness?

Which ever story I choose, it’s just that, a story….one that is causing me a lot of anxiety as well (and I suspect, for others as well)…

Bells, like this ancient bell from Jerusalem can be used to lower anxiety

Bells, like this ancient one found in Jerusalem, can reduce anxiety.

So here I am daring to launch this ancient healing and transformational music approach that is scientifically proven to lower stress and increase focus, and here I am feeling anxious and ballistic… hardly the image of serene self calm!

Does this ring a bell?

I found my colleague irritated by my behavior, which caused her to feel untrusted and belittled.

Ick. Childhood memories of being misunderstood and blamed for an innocent act flooded my awareness. Immediately following, all I wanted to do was apologize, fix things, make it all right, just as long as I don’t get banished and sent to my isolated room.

Fortunately, I know that the ick feeling is a beautiful chance to heal that old wound. Though painful, when it arises, not rushing in to fix it provides a chance tp creating harmony from the anxiety it stirs up.

I wear a small bell on my wrist, I rang it to stop the auto pilot straight in it’s tracks. When I feel the anxiety, I ring the bell, it stops the negative spiral to go further. It acts like a Pavlov’s Dog to my inner subconscious. In ancient times, bells similar to these were used to stop negativity. Their power still works today.

The upside to this story is that after feeling sick of needing to fix things, and feeling icky from the old wound that got stirred up, I am honestly happy for the anxiety as it gives me a chance to ring in another lesson in self compassion, self surrender and sharing with you in hopes that this may spur some in you as well.

What bell does this ring for you? I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment below.

Eliana

P.S. If you want to know more about 50, Joyful and Free, the complimentary teleseminar info is here.

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