My tears could water an entire garden

Renatia, a lovely woman from Rosh Pina, who spent the last two days sleeping in a bunker, decided to come out and sleep in her house.

She called this morning to share a song that she is in the process of preparing. During the conversation, she mentioned something about Germany, I asked if that is where she was originally from. When she answered, yes, I suggested that perhaps she would like to speak to my guest, Matthias. I was thinking that perhaps it would provide him support to speak to someone in his native language.

As Renatia and Mathias spoke, I lay on the couch, deep pain in my back, tears welling in my eyes and silent sobbing convulsions finishing the cycle.

I am crying because I feel pain. My inner voice says: “Yes, sweetheart, cry… it is so healthy to be human.” I dont’ know Matthias very well, so I wondered how he would respond to my tears. Habit made me want to stifle it.

“No. It is healthy. It is human. It is loving. Thank God you are a human being with feelings. Let the boy see your pain. Let the boy see who you really are, what

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you are honestly made of”. Tears are coming to my eyes as I write.

I hurt. I hurt because of all the good that gets squished by the ignorance and fear of others who cannot see. And I do not intend to hate them back. That would only be continuing the cycle. It would be easy. I would have lots of support for it… but I would not feel satisfied.

So today, I cannot work. I am in pain. My back is tied in knots like those of the ancient olive trees in the biblical groves below my village.

I am grateful to the friend who asked me to consider what is even more powerful than love…. compassion. He suggested that I sit with this pain, and find my compassion within it.

So , I am doing this. It brings the ancient pain of generations of dissappointed failure and fear and isolation to the surface.

Thank God for my opportunity to heal. I promise to use every bit of this pain of war to resolutely end my inner war – compassionately.

Love is stronger than fear or hate, or my isolated aloneness. Thank God I have someone here to give to. Thank God for what I have to give. Thank God for the war that is teaching me peace. May I be able to share this with others.

Amen.

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