Raw, Vulnerable and Juicy

One of the most difficult things about being a pioneer and living guided by the inside-out, is the loneliness of it.  The path is windy, sometimes very dry and rocky and always filled with surprises.

When you travel the less travelled road, you meet up with your own self imposed limitations. When you follow the “popular”  route, the roads are well paved. It’s easy. When you get tired, you can stop on a dime. When you’re weary and low, you’ll find alot of listeners who will agree with you, and even share their own similar stories.

Here in Israel, it’s Hebrew New Year: Rosh HaShana. We are entering into a holiday season akin to Christmas, New Years and Easter all bundled up together. Families meet around a big meal, and go off travelling and visiting other family and friends.  For the past two years, I have travelled to the US to be with my own family during the holidays. It was wonderful, since I am the only one of my family who up and left the US.

This year, my inner wisdom is strongly guiding me to stay in Israel. I am guided to go South into the Arava – the desert, towards Sinai, where the Israelites entered into the land of Canaan.  I am drawn to travel to Timna, the ancient copper mines where the remains of the ancient Hathor Temple bear witness to the power of Feminine Protection and might from thousands of years ago.

Hathor and the Prophetess Miriam are linked. I intuitively sense this. How is it that the Prophetess Miriam used drums and rhythm, for healing and ceremonial purposes, as was used in the Hathor Temples? Hathor was known in one of her aspects as Goddess of Music, Beauty and Healing.

I don’t know what awaits me there, and I know it is good.  Since getting the Miriam statuette back from the firing clay ovens, I have been inspired as I look at it, to go South.  Feminine guidance and power is not cognitive. It’s intuitive. I trust it.

Yet today, I am feeling scared, raw and vulnerable. The Kibbutz Inn where I booked myself a room, called to say that it won’t be so appropriate for me to come, since everyone else will be with their families, for the holidays. No one will be available to help me out, with directions, hospitality etc…

Being a Kibbutz, the manager is group oriented. For those of you in Europe or the US, this may seem odd… but for Israel and the Middle East, which is “clan” or “family” oriented… one woman travelling alone on a holiday is out of place.  It’s strange… definitely not something usual.

I feel funny. It would be easier to call friends and celebrate with them. I would save myself the pain of feeling raw and vulnerable, left out of the crowd. Yet if I were to do that… I would leave ME out of the quotient.

Who is more important ? My inner voice or my sense of wanting to belong?  Sometimes it’s a real fine line.

Yet it’s New Year. It’s my life I am living. I am committed to living it honestly from the inside out. That means, respecting what the inner voice guides me to do… EVEN if it is not POPULAR…

Many years ago, before I left the US, a friend of mine said that I needed to make a choice, whether to be with the 95% of the population who follows the consensus, or choose the less popular route of following inner truth. He said; “If you go the popular route, you’ll have lots of company”.  If you follow your inner truth, you won’t have alot of company”.

I chose the latter.  Sometimes it has been real lonely. Yet I wouldn’t trade it for anything.


I have earned my own self respect. I continue to earn it as I listen to my inner guidance and follow it. Inner power is something that money cannot buy. It is power earned of accepting your own inner wisdom.

It is power gained by stopping long enough to listen to yourself and you follow the guidance you receive, even if you don’t understand it.  That is what I am doing by going into the desert.  Though raw and vulerable, the road is also juicy.

I trust that what I will learn will be nectar which will nourish me and others who choose to follow a similar road of their own.
It’s a glorious gift to be able to support women in the exploration of their own inner wisdom!

What is your experience?

PS  Since I’m in gift giving mode, next week, I’ll give another teleseminar – 50 Joyful and Free

PPS Though you’ve written to me personally about the blog posts, since moving my blog over to WordPress, the only comments I’ve seen for moderation are spam. Your other comments aren’t showing up. Anyone know how to fix this?  Thanks for letting info@voicesofeden.com know, so that all the voices can be heard.

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