Setting Limits with Heart

Do you have difficulty drawing limits with yourself? I for example, love the work I do with healing music. I can spend hours and hours researching the subject on the internet. When it comes time to break away, I don’t. My body is softly whispering: “Honey, it’s time to rest. Take a break”. My mind is engaged. My curiosity compels me to check out – “just one more thing” which leads to “one more thing”, which leads to “one more thing”.

Before I know it, hours have passed. When I finally DO break away, my eyes are fried, my back is creaked and my inner voice is silenced with disappointment. Disappointed at my self ignorance – ignorance as in – ignoring.

I believe that ignoring is one of the most crippling means of self abnegation and violence. We avoid being kind to ourselves in the name of being kind to others. We are the last in line to receive our own compassion.

Now that holiday season is in full blast, you may be experiencing this phenomenon in full blast as well.

How do we turn this habit around? I’d like to share with you what I am doing that is really helping…

Setting limits with your heart.

The operative word here is “with your heart”, not your head. There’s a small but huge difference.

When you make a decision with your mind, when it comes time to reinforce the boundary, it’s easy for your mind or your ego to argue with you. It’s so easy for an inner battle of wills to begin. In order to avoid the battle, many times the mind just ignores your body’s signals.

The heart speaks a softer language. It won’t pound or pounce on you. It will acquiese to the powerful will. Though you won’t feel so great about your ignoring yourself. The worst part about it is that only you know the difference.

When you make a decision with your heart, there is leeway. There’s a soft and tender pliable movement, bending, not breaking your will.

Here’s a healing music meditation for your self compassion:

So when it’s time to leave my computer – when I have set a limit with my heart, and my mind says: “Just one more thing…”, instead of responding in a contest of wills, I ask my heart if it is ok or not. I check in with how it feels in my heart.

If I get an open pliable response, I may just check that “one more thing”, which quiets my mind. Then I leave. It makes me feel good about myself. If my heart reinforces the limit – at that point I am already conscious of having a conscious choice to make – contest of wills, or being kind to myself.

I choose being kind to myself.

Each day is a chance to learn a little bit more.
How do you set limits with yourself? Or not? What is the difference to you between setting limits with your heart? What do you notice?

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