Surprises…Fill you with anxiety, joy, or both?

Tomorrow is my birthday.  My body will be fifty five years old, while the joy of my ageless soul grows ever more youthful.

What I have wished for my birthday, is true freedom. What do I mean by that?

Impeturbable Joy: whether from without or within, nothing can disturb my inner calm.

For my tenth birthday, I chose to go to the super slide – a water park some distance from our home, which was the big hit with all the popular kids. The idea of doing the popular thing, along with my genuine thrill of adventure, made me shiver with delight as I waited in excited anticipation for the 31st of August.

My birthday came, and excitedly I went across the street to gather my friend Loree to join us. When she opened the door, I discovered an entire room of girlfriends shouting loudly: “Happy Birthday!”… They had made me a surprise party. I felt overwhelmed by the unexpected shock. I turned to my mother and asked, “What about the super slide?” She replied, “Never mind, we’ll do that another time”.

I felt crushed. “My voice doesn’t matter. No matter what I want or what I do, it won’t matter, others will usurp it. And I can’t do anything about it. It’s greedy to even talk about it since they meant well.

Inside, I felt lost. Surprises came to equal deep disappointment. I defended against them like the plague, on one hand, while independently expressing my adventurous side on my own, so no one could spoil it.

In defending myself against being disappointed by others, I also cost myself much joy and abundance that comes from living on the slippery slide of a life with an open vulnerable heart.

That wound stayed with me for 44 years and 364 days… until today. Today, I offer myself the gift of allowing myself to have what I truly want.

Today I stop to thank my mom and all those friends at the party who helped to make me the wise woman I am today:

My mom, Julie and Janet Krieger, Judie Levenson, Karen Levenson, Loree Cohen, Lynne Lash, Beverly Clark are those whom I remember – some of them, I am even in coNO one person owns it, nor has all the answers.ntact with today through facebook (who could imagine THAT!?)…

I was on another planet, then… today…I am filled with gratitude for the gift you gave me… Today I let life surprise me… for the better! And it is!!!!

Let life surprise you. It will in any case. Why not enjoy the grand adventure!

It’s your choice how it will fill you… with anxiety or delight, or perhaps a bit of both ?!?

Life is a super slide. I am enjoying the ride. How about you?

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